I woke up feeling peaceful today. I can’t remember the last
time that happened. I rolled over to see snow falling outside of the window and
I could hear a faint sound of Christmas music down the street. I wondered where
Jim was. Last night after the party, he was extremely upset still. As he was
storming around the house I was cleaning up. I picked up his coat and a piece
of paper fell out of it. It had a phone number on it. After last night, I
didn’t need to ask whose it was. Silently I wished he would just leave me for
the woman. Those thoughts carried over into my head this morning as I laid
there watching the snow. I fantasized about waking up to an empty apartment. I
would open my eyes and all the sudden the smell of stale cigarettes and booze
would be gone. Jim’s dirty jeans and dirty hands would just…be gone.
I crawled out of bed and made my way over to the kitchen. We
were out of coffee. Glancing over to the clock, I figured I had time to make my
way out to grab some before he got back from wherever he was. I grabbed my coat
and made my way out to the door.
It was cold out. Colder than yesterday. As I stepped out of
the doors the air reached up and stretched down into my lungs. It was Christmas
time- I had almost forgotten. I walked down the street towards the coffee shop.
I passed the corner store and heard the town radio station playing Christmas
carols. Suddenly, my feet stopped moving. The music reminded me of something.
It reminded me of some other time and some other place that was so fucking far
from here. I sat down on the bench outside the store. Snow was still lightly
falling and I was shivering under my coat in my pajamas. But, here was better
than there. I stuck my hands in my pockets and deeply breathed in the cool air.
It’s the most wonderful
time of the year…
I looked across the street at the families walking by. I
wondered if I would ever have that. Jim and I had talked about it before, but I
was always reluctant. But maybe things would be better if there was a child to
look after. I thought about that for a few minutes but something interrupted my
day dreaming. I woman with short, blonde hair and black boots… it was Missy.
I had secretly been avoiding walking into the coffee shop
because of that little note she had left in my pocket… I didn’t want to start
something unnecessary up. What would Jim think if I was out gallivanting around
town with some strange woman? I told myself that I was just going out to get
coffee because we happened to be out of it at home, but I knew that was a lie.
I had come to see her- this strange, beautiful woman. She seemed to know
something that I didn’t. Like she was in on something that I was completely
missing. Maybe that was why she seemed so happy. Happy people always make
average people feel that way.
It’s the most
wonderful time of the year…
I watched her as she walked into the shop, looked around,
and then began to leave. I don’t know why but something just came over me.
“MISSY! MISSY OVER HERE!”
I was jumping up and down like a fool in my pajamas at noon
on some street corner. What the fuck was I thinking? I mean, Jesus… It’s not
like a know anybody around town or anything, but seriously.
“MISSY!” I started to run across the street to catch up to
her.
“MISSY! WAIT UP I-…”
Boom.
An hour later I opened my eyes. I didn’t quite know where I
was but the room smelt like incence and art work was all over the walls. It was
then that a short haired woman with black boots walked into my view.
“Oh, good. You’re awake,” she said smiling. I stared at her
confused. “You took quite a nasty fall!”
So there I was, laying on this random woman’s couch. An ice
pack on my head. In my pajamas. Half-conscious.
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